Bothy Tales by John D. Burns is a short collection of stories based on his adventures in the Scottish hills and made the TGO magazine shortlist for Outdoor Book of the Year. If you’re looking for inspiration to get out and about then this book is definitely worth a read with its engaging, down-to-earth and humorous style.
“Martin watches in silence as I teeter precariously on the high wire. He’s developed a strategy over the years he lets me go first and if I cross the river/bog/mountain ridge without getting killed, he follows.”
The book is a collection of adventures in bothies – very basic accommodation, usually located in the wild areas of Scotland. John tends to enjoy his adventures in winter, so the weather is invariably bleak. Sometimes there are glorious blue sky but often it’s lashing it down as he wades through bogs with a rucksack full of coal, whisky, and enough food to ensure an enjoyable evening when he finally reaches his destination. Although that’s never guaranteed.
“It’s early evening in Bearnais bothy, a remote west-coast shelter not too distant from the village of Lochcarron … I savour a mouthful of the hot tea, rubbing my aching legs and enjoying the steam rising from the dark liquid … my eyelids begin to droop … Jerking awake I almost overturn my mug, and when I look down at the beverage I notice something floating on its surface. It’s a mouse turd.”
Over thirty years, John meets plenty of colourful characters – some he gets on with and some he doesn’t. But all the bothies have one thing in common.
“The bothy is festooned with wet clothes … The air is filled with the reek of woodsmoke and the smell of sweat. In other words it smells like every bothy I’ve ever been in.”
Bothies certainly aren’t for those seeking five-star accommodation. This is basic at its best, situated in stunningly remote surroundings. Don’t expect Deliveroo here. But be wary, the weather can catch you out.
“It’s a beautiful December morning, cold, crisp and bright. As we walk up the long glen I feel sorry for the poor souls still lying in bed and missing this natural glory … I am leading when I encounter a white wide snowslope. From the valley floor it had looked crisp white and enticing, the kind of snow winter climbers dream of. This, however, is not that kind of snow … It is said Eskimos have fifty words for different kinds of snow. I have one word for this type: crap.”
John’s exploits in the remote outposts of the British Isles made me smile. I’m fortunate to have explored the Scottish Highlands, including way up in the north west, one of the most remote places on the British mainland and where it pays to watch your step.
“In stark contrast to signs elsewhere, the walk into Kearvaig boasts some of the best signs you’ll ever come across. They have signs like, ‘Don’t step off the road, danger of explosion and death.’ That’s the kind of sign I like: there’s a piece of information I can use.”
I’d definitely recommend Bothy Tales by John D. Burns, even if you don’t actually want to get out into the wilderness. And isn’t that the beauty of being able to read entertaining non-fiction. You can sit in the comfort of your own home, while you enjoy the often hilarious antics of British hillwalkers such as John D. Burns.